Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
