he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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