I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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