I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
