The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you're hired as official boob wrangler
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
