Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
