took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize