walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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