For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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