tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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