I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
