SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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