I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
