How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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