We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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