Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
PANTIES FOUND
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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