The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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