Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
