This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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