I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
