there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize