Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I just sharted jello shots
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
