i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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