So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
