The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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