Me too!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
