So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
