ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
