her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
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