All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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