It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
