Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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