He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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