dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
