1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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