Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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