so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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