Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
