I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
