working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am one with the molecules
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
