Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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