and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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