Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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