Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
