dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
