we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
