ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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