drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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