He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
