Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize