bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm too high and old for this...
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