We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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