I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
