I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize