arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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