i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
