can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
