don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize