This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
