You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
