from now on my penis is your penis
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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