on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
