We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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