I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
