you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
