im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The uberlube is also flammable
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
