Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
