there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
