I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
