it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
