she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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