Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
