everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
