The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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