toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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