look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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