i jhust puked up my retainher.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
