i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
