just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
