You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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