I just pynch a tree in the face
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
