her vagine was all disorganized.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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