i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize