i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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