I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
