I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize