I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize