im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
