i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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