see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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