i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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