some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So squirting runs in the family.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
