margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
