Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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