he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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