one two three fourrrrnication!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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