Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
