Duck Duck Cougar?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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