she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
