I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
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