OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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